This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
you never un-have a 4some
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
