just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
