My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
