My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
