We're facebook friends in real life
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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