We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
