A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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