I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
