i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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