u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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