She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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