Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
