The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize