Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
