We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
