everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize