Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i love accidental penises.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
