I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
