I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
