if you like me you must not know who I am
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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