Me too!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
