Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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