How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
