I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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