i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
