Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
