so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
