I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
