i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
