you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
