Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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