im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
