i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
