hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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