Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
BRING THE BAGELS
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
