How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize