Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
