What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Randomize
