Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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