what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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