I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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