He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
