my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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