did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
