You're completely useless in the revolution.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
