you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
