So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
pray to the hookup gods
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
