But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
