why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
