I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
