I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
