Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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