last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
