I don't think brook has ever known best
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize