I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize