Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
