I think I just saw someone hide a body.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
